


Thinking About Babies

by Baroness_Blixen



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s04e03 Home, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 06:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11480925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baroness_Blixen/pseuds/Baroness_Blixen
Summary: Scully can't sleep and decides to pay Mulder a visit. They continue their talk about babies, family and living a normal life.





	Thinking About Babies

“I don’t want to have a baby.” Melissa’s voice tears through the darkness and startles her sister. Dana turns around, causing the chair to squeak loudly, further disturbing the quiet like a warning signal. She can’t see Melissa in the yellowish light her desk lamp provides. Her sister is bathed in darkness instead, hidden in the shadows.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh you know… things.”

“Very random things, Melissa. Why are you even thinking about babies? You should be thinking about college or finding work.” All Dana is thinking about these days is college. Doing well. Becoming a medical doctor. She’s trying to get a glimpse of her older sister sitting there on the bed, but all she sees, or thinks she sees, is a silhouette. Her long hair falls into her face and she brushes it away quickly, almost angrily. She needs to get it cut and soon. It’s not practical and Dana is practical – or wants to be anyway. Long, wavy hair is for girls who spent their days at the beach. Dana is no longer that girl.

“A career is not the most important thing in the world.” The sheets rustle and Melissa comes into sight. She smiles secretively and leans over Dana’s shoulder to look at her homework. Who does homework on a Friday night? She shakes her head gently in disbelief before she sits back down on the bed again. Melissa’s hair is long and unruly. Dana used to be so jealous of her soft curls. Melissa has never tried to tame them and only ever laughed at their mother when she suggested a different hair cut. Dana touches her own hair now. She’s going to miss it, she thinks, wearing it short.

“You need to earn money, Melissa,” Dana flinches; sometimes she sounds just like their parents, “before you can even start a family.”

“That’s just it, though. I don’t want that. I just want to see the world. You know?” The two sisters stare at each other. Once or twice an aunt will mix them up at a family gathering and they both end up giggling. Dana loves her sister fiercely; these months without her while Melissa was out travelling, doing her thing (throwing her life away, their father has grumbled once), have been hard. Just having her here now, even when Dana can’t keep away from studying, feels right. But sometimes, times like right now, Dana is not sure she understands her sister; wonders if they grew up in the same household with the same parents.

“You can still change your mind. You don’t have to do what mom did and have babies this young.” Melissa smiles at something only she can see. Dana feels like she should turn around and try to figure out what exactly it is her sister is looking at.

“I don’t want to have a baby, Dana.” There’s determination in her voice and Dana startles; she gets it now. Her heart starts beating faster as her homework is forgotten for the moment. This is real life, she realizes; not numbers, not some theory she can pick apart. Her sister is confiding something real even if she’s not saying the words.

“Oh my god, Melissa…” she whispers. She doesn’t know what else to say or do right now. She’s heard about girls who got into trouble; that’s how the adults would always put it. Got into trouble. Her sister nods as if to confirm it. She puts her legs under her and for a moment Dana wonders what her sister would look like pregnant. She’d be an aunt. The thought seems foreign to her still. They’re both just so young.

“I’m so proud of you, Dana. For doing what you do. Going to college and doing exactly what you want to do. Don’t let mom or dad ever push you, all right?” Dana is frozen in place; she can’t move, can barely think. She has so many questions for her sister and yet she can’t ask any of them. Not now. Not in her childhood room, not in the house where their parents sleep.

“Forget I said anything, Dana.”

“I can’t, Melissa. This is… this is… have you talked to anyone? Maybe there’s a different way? What about the… you know?” Melissa shoots her one of her ‘oh Dana’ looks before she puts on a bright smile. Her sister, the enigma.

“It was a fling, Dana. Never more. It’s all taken care of. I don’t want a baby. Now or possibly ever. It’s not something I can just talk about over breakfast with mom and dad.”

“But…”

“You on the other hand,” Melissa sighs, getting up; Dana knows she is going to leave now. Not to her own bedroom, but somewhere. Melissa always goes somewhere. “You’re going to be a great mother one day. A wonderful doctor and an even better mother. Trust me, Dana. I know it.” And she’s just gone.

Scully wakes with a gasp. She needs a moment to remember where she is; she’s not in her home, not in her bed. No, she is in Home, Pennsylvania, in a hotel room. She takes a few deep breaths, relaxes again. A glance at her watch tells her it’s shortly after midnight. Scully rubs her eyes but the images of Melissa on that night remain with her. She hasn’t thought about it in ages. Pushed it from her mind like so many things. They never talked about it again; Scully immersing herself in her studies and Melissa, like she’d planned, travelling the world. Now, though, she thinks about it with a heavy heart. Melissa hadn’t wanted a child back then. A child, Scully realizes, that would now be an orphan.

She knows she won’t be able to fall back asleep. Mulder. The thought of him pushes forward in her brain. At least he knows what it’s like to wake from nightmares. As she gets up, reality and dream merge together: Melissa telling her she’ll be a wonderful mother, Mulder with his intense glare telling her he’s never seen her as one before. Him mockingly calling her mom. A noise on the other side of the wall tells her that Mulder is still awake just like she suspected. She puts a shirt over her tank top and runs her hands through her hair, unnecessarily as it’s only Mulder, before she goes to his room, knocks quietly. There is some shuffling and then Mulder opens the door. Unlike her, he apparently didn’t think about putting on a shirt. He raises his eyebrows at her, obviously surprised she’s still awake.

“Did I keep you up, Scully? I’m sorry, I was just watching this documentary – it’s the only station I could make work. I’ll turn it down.”

“No, Mulder. I couldn’t – I just woke up,” he stares at her trying to figure out if she’s telling the truth, “I had a – can I come in?” Now he’s even more surprised but he steps away to let her in. True to his word, there is a documentary flickering on the screen. Scully doesn’t pay much attention to it, doesn’t care. There is something on her mind, it seems, and she’ll never sleep if she doesn’t talk about it.

“Too quiet for you to sleep here?” Mulder chuckles at his own bad joke. He still doesn’t think about putting on a shirt. Of course Scully has seen his naked chest plenty of times (she’s seen much more than just his naked chest), but right now it adds to her anxiety.

“I slept just fine, actually,” she replies feeling weary; Mulder tends to plant himself on every piece of furniture whether it’s in her hotel rooms or her home. This time she decides to do the same and she sits on the unused side of his bed while he watches her from across the room.

“I had a bad dream.” Scully finally admits. “Or maybe not a bad one just… it woke me up.” He nods, understanding. Slowly, as if expecting her to stop him, he walks over to his bed and glances at her, still waiting for her to tell him to sit somewhere else, and when she remains quiet, sits down himself.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks without looking into her direction.

“No.” Scully immediately answers. She doesn’t want to talk about Melissa, or babies.  _I never saw you as a mother before_ , he said earlier. The words ring in her ears unwanted. She wonders how he does see her. As a partner. His colleague. His friend, most likely. Does he even see her as a woman? She chances a glance over at him; he’s chewing on sunflower seeds, his eyes directed at the screen, but she is absolutely certain that his mind is somewhere else. She runs her hand through her hair again and she sighs. Her hair is short, it’s practical; just like she’d planned it years and years ago in college.

“You can watch this thing with me,” Mulder tells her, “I swear it has no mutants, aliens or even babies.” So much for not thinking about those.

“Mulder?”

“Hm?” But he’s still not looking at her.

“Could you really live in a place like this?” His head turns to her and he doesn’t even need to think about his answer.

“Yeah,” there is no mockery in his voice, nothing to indicate he’s not truthful, “I’d love to live in a place like this. If things were… different.” His sister, she thinks. If he didn’t have to look for his sister, he’d move to some one-horse town in the middle of nowhere.

“You wouldn’t live here alone.” It’s not a question. Scully tries to picture a tall brunette business woman living in a place like this. She can’t. Then again, she can’t really imagine Mulder living here either. Without his suits, without a cell phone; just an average man. Mulder might be many things, but average is not one of them.

“I guess not.” Is all he says, putting another sunflower seed into his mouth and cracking it loudly.

“You’d have a wife, children and a dog. A normal life.” Again, not a question. Scully knows she should stop; realizes it when he slowly turns to her, his expression unreadable.

“Isn’t that what everyone wants? A normal life. Where would you live, Scully? If you didn’t have to put up with your spooky partner.”

“I like my life, Mulder. I like living where I live.” It’s the truth, she realizes, even if she’s never pictured herself living in a city. She used to think she’d move to the suburbs, live the picket fence dream with 2.5 children and a husband, a cat and a dog.  _You’re going to be a great mother one day_ , Melissa had told her. Dana had believed her; Scully on the other hand wasn’t sure her life was still set on that path. Or if she still wanted it. The thought tugged at something deep inside of her. Just like a small child might tug at her hand demanding her attention.

“You wouldn’t want to live in a place like this and raise your Über-Scullys? You want to raise them in the city?”

“I haven’t exactly put much thought into where I would want to raise my hypothetical children, Mulder.” It’s a lie, but Mulder nods anyway.

“You should think about it, Scully.” He tells her, his eyes dark and intense. Scully can’t look away. It’s as if he’s trying to make her see something, but she feels blind. Or blinded by him.

“Think about where I want to raise children I may never have?” Mulder nods again.

“You’ll have them,” he says decidedly, “I know you will.” Scully thinks she detects sadness in his voice. She doesn’t understand why.

“I thought you didn’t see me as a mother.” He smiles; not at her, no, at the screen. The smile, though, it reminds her of Melissa. Seeing things she herself can’t.

“Mulder.” She says, hoping he’ll look at her; he doesn’t. She touches his hand that’s next to her on the bed. He’s warm, feels solid. He tilts his head and blinks at her.

“I try not to see you as a lot of things, Scully.” His voice is gentle, his smile exhausted and shy. “But you’re going to be a wonderful mother one day.” He adds, nodding to himself. The same words. The same words Melissa used.

“Why, Mulder?” She whispers; he can’t know what Melissa said back then. He doesn’t know about the baby that never was. The words escape her without her consent. Mulder shrugs next to her, unaware of the emotional turmoil inside of her.

“You’re my partner, Scully.” She waits for him to continue and when he doesn’t she decides to let it go. It’s enough for tonight. She yawns and Mulder grins at her; for a split second her mind plays a trick on her. She sees a small boy with that same grin, the same set of lips, the strong chin. He’s calling out for her, yelling mommy and squeaking happily, while Mulder is chasing after him, their joint laughter a heavenly sound.

“What is this documentary anyway, Mulder?” Scully tears herself away from the image, makes the mental bubble pop; she’s got to be practical now, get some sleep. She snuggles deeper into the bed, ignoring the fact that this is Mulder’s hotel room, and closes her eyes tentatively.  

“Oh, it’s about cacti. Did you know that some cacti can live up to 300 years?”

“Hm. Tell me more about cacti.” Scully mumbles. She knows she should go back to her own room, sleep in her own bed, but it’s too comfortable here. The steady hum of the TV, Mulder’s beautiful voice and his warmth right next to her. They don’t need to lock the door here, not when Mulder is by her side; there’s no need to be scared of anything. You’re going to be a great mother, the voice now a blend of Mulder’s and Melissa’s. A smile appears on Scully’s face as she listens to the soft rumble of Mulder’s voice.

Her last thought before sleep overwhelms her is how she should have told Mulder that he’s going to be a great father, too. One day.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this is from a prompt on tumblr.


End file.
